Mercury is in retrograde. I don’t know what that means. I mean, I know what it literally means. It means that right now when you look at Mercury through a telescope it looks like it’s orbiting backwards. Or something like that.
I don’t know what Mercury being in retrograde means for me and the universe, but I’m definitely feeling something this morning. And I’m too tired and cranky to be metacognitive about it, so I’m just going to blame it on Mercury.
Screw you, Mercury.
It’s a Friday, and I have had a pretty good week. No more COVID symptoms and lots of productive hours at work and at home. I did new workouts, I ate pretty healthy, and I spent time with people I love. It’s been a pretty good week. So, why do I feel so empty right now?
It’s gotta be Mercury, right?
Trauma is fun. Pair it with anxiety and it feels like Mercury is in retrograde more often than not. I’ve worked really hard on myself and I’m proud of my ability to pinpoint triggers that send me into these spirals. Unfortunately, there are times when no matter how long I sit and reflect and how hard I try to process, things just feel shitty and I can’t figure out why.
Maybe it’s the fact that while Mercury looks like it’s orbiting backwards, the Earth feels like it’s metaphorically orbiting backwards. At least it does here in my neck of the woods. This week I had to help lead my students in a “safety drill”. For those of you that don’t know, that’s the sanitized way of saying I had to have discussions and practice with the 150+ teenagers I teach, what would happen if an active shooter came into our school. That certainly puts some weight on my shoulders. We as a district should have planned better and done our drill when Mercury was moving the correct way.
Maybe it’s the fact that no matter how involved of an effort I make to take care of myself and my mental health by consuming news in a moderate and controlled way, my desire to be a productive social studies teacher means I get dragged right back into the thick of it on a nearly daily basis.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve now been teaching long enough to have former students getting married and having babies. The latter of which they seem to do with no struggle or problems whatsoever. Hi Trauma! Welcome to the conversation.
So Mercury is in retrograde and I’m struggling. I’ll try to make changes, I’ll try to take care of myself and the things around me, but ultimately, on this day, I’m just going to blame it all on Mercury.